first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
