and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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