hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
