Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize