Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
