Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
