there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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