I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
