That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
