drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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