Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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