I haven't been this sober since birth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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