he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
