he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
