The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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