Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
