just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
