I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
