she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
