He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
