so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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