Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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