I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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