All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
