i may or may not be watching the land before time
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
