I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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