there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize