i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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