For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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