You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
