All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize