The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
