I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
