Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
