I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
