Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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