shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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