I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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