Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've blown a few things in my day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
