he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
