I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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