I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
