So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
