I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
