everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
