You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
