i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
