Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize