if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
