you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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