it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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