Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
