When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her vagine was all disorganized.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
