so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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