My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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