First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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