he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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