we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
