Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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