Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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