We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
