You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
