who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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