I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
