You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
