Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
