i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
