ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
