True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
