When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
40s are totally the cure
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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