i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
