I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize