So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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