I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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