I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
