I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
