What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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