genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
