Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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