I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Bring me that man meat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
