I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
