This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
that's an acceptable place to lick
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
