he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
