and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
