I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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