i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
