You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
