On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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