Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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