I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
