We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
