it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
