Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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