on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize