I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
