Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
