you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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