So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
